I Thought I Was Past That Sin

I have heard often from friends and those I've discipled these words uttered in deep disappointment--"I thought I was past that sin." After being told this time and time again, and even after me saying this to myself and to God, I've come to realize that no matter how mature I've grown in Christ I'm never too far from the most disgusting and most "basic" of sins. John Bunyan would agree, as he has been credited with saying "There is enough evil in my best prayer to damn the whole world."

Regardless of how mature or sanctified I may become, the sins I committed as a child in the faith are still a threat to me. I cannot think of any place in Scripture where it says something to the effect of "you are beyond that particular sin." With a sinful nature present in this flesh any sin is possible at any time. Yes, we are exhorted to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which we have been called (Eph. 4:1). Elsewhere Paul writes similarly saying we are "to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord" (Col 1:10).

But these texts and others that call for Christian maturity are written, in one sense, because there's always the potential not to walk in that manner. Furthermore, if there is anything to the idea of walking in the light of Christ, moving closer toward him as I mature, I just become even more aware of how deeply corrupted I truly am. One of the greatest lessons I have learned from those much older than me in the faith is this very truth. So one mark of Christian maturity is how sensitive we are to our sinful nature and potential to sin. Mature Christians recognize that dependence on Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome the strongest temptations are of utmost necessity. Mature Christians never say, "I am past that sin." Mature Christians say, "Sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for me." Thus I can know clearly that

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. -1 Cor. 10:13

As I read the passage, the verse before this confirms what is meant by never being "past a sin."

Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall.

The point is clear here as Paul writes of the Israelites drinking from the spiritual Rock that followed them, and Rock was Christ (v. 4). Yet even in the wilderness, after God had rescued them from Egypt, witnessing all the plagues and the parting of the Red Sea, they desired evil (v. 6). They were idolaters and engaged in sexual immorality (vv. 7-8). Judgment came--23,000 fell in a single day (v. 8). God had done so much for them in their rescue, yet they were not beyond any kind of sin. In some way they drank of Christ, but still engaged in all types of horrific sin! They were beyond nothing. These words, written for our instruction (v. 11) remind me that I too am beyond nothing. The command is clear:

Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry. -1 Cor. 10:14

It is all idolatry--the gluttony, the sloth, the lust, the pride--all idolatry, maybe of other gods, but certainly of self. We idolize humanity. We have sought to redefine all aspects of life ever since the Fall when we were overcome by temptation and redefined God's only command. Since then nothing is off limits--entertainment, money, eating, sex, love, hate, etc--all to exalt us to the level of deity. All to say, "I am past that sin."

We must ask ourselves how we are walking each day. Are we seeking to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which we have been called, the calling that knows the depth of depravity, yet also the grace of God? Or are we walking in a manner worthy of puffed pride saying "I am past that sin" only soon to be defeated by it, where in our defeat we are left devastated and perplexed, saying "I thought I was past that sin?"

By His Grace.

Pour Out Your Wretched Heart Before God and See What He Does!

How often do you want to hide from God?
How often are you angry with God, even though you claim you don't even believe in Him?
How much do you want to just yell at the top of your lungs at God, but only because you want to be a "good" person, you don't do it?
How often do you want to tell God you love Him?

Trust is solely dependent upon the reliability of the object of that trust. Can I trust a monkey to survive in the trees of the jungle if I put him there? Of course, because in that realm of life he is trustworthy. But can I trust in that same monkey to rescue to world from the current economic crisis we're facing? Yeah, I could try, but if I was serious in doing so and kept trying, I'd be wrapped up in a nice white jacket and thrown into a pretty room with padded, white walls.

What about God? Can I trust God at all times, which includes by implication in all places with all circumstances? Couple this with an exhortation to pour out my heart to him, a heart that often mistrusts, rebels, hates, spites, scorns, what do I see? I am confronted with the only reality that there is such sweet freedom in the God of my refuge! It's my heart that lead me to want to hide from God (Gen. 3:7-8), is deceitful beyond comprehension (Jer. 17:9), spewing forth all kinds of evils (Matt. 15:19-20). Yet I am challenged--commanded--to pour my heart out before him in all its brokenness, anger, hurt, and doubt. Who is this God I am called to trust? Will he not turn his back on me if I pour out this wretched heart before him?

I must conclude that I trust in God because he is not a monkey, though I know some want to caricature him in that light. Rather, he is the One who revealed just how trustworthy he is when he took on flesh and entered into this mess of a sinful world and loved his people. Who is more worthy of my or your trust than Christ who, knowing my heart even as I feebly attempt to hide (Jn. 2:24-25), loved me and gave himself up for me (Gal 2:20)? Jesus Christ is truly my refuge in times when I feel I can go anywhere or do anything and in times when I am absolutely lost and confused. What immense freedom there is knowing this dark heart can be pried open and laid bare before the Living God of all creation only to be treated with the utmost care and love by the blood of the Lamb, restored to its rightful purpose by his Holy Spirit.

Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge to us.
-Ps. 62:8

Today you might be hurting. You might be angry with God. You might feel dirty and unable to look to God. Your heart might not be able to trust him. But I ask that you fix your eyes at what Jesus accomplished in the past on the Cross and by his resurrection to change your life in the present so that you may be with him forever in the future. He wants you to pour your heart out before him--no matter what condition it is in--turning from it all, trusting in him, and seeking refuge in his freeing love.

By His Grace.

Rough Reflection: Andrew=Sinner Saved By Grace

I am sinful. Sin is a serious--gravely serious--matter. Recall that Paul wrote of himself near the end of his life that "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost" (1 Tim. 1:15). The immediate observation is that the words for himself are in the present tense; Paul continued to see himself as the "chief of sinners." Yet he writes in that same passage about God's grace coming to him. Paul received Christ's mercy (vv. 12-17). Credit is given where credit is due--Paul as a sinner, Christ as his Savior.

This is tough because we don't have much recorded about Paul's regular struggles. We see repentance at his encounter w/ Jesus on the road to Damascus (Acts 9) and there may be one other instance in Romans 7, but besides that there really is no recording of Paul's "sins." However, Paul did not see himself as the foremost sinner merely because of past sins, nor was it because he was struggling with blatantly sinning, taking his salvation for granted and living some kind of outlandish lifestyle in complete opposition to God though claiming to be a Christian.

I believe Paul saw in his heart utter corruption beyond self-repair. He knew only Jesus could restore him, that Jesus was, is, and forever will be the only human being to ever walk the earth who was capable of changing his heart and all our hearts. Paul saw his life as an example of God's power, writing, "I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life" (v. 16).

What Paul knew, I must know. Like Paul, I do not lose my identity while I am on this earth. I am the one created in the image of God, who, marred by sin in every way, is known as "a sinner." This truth is coupled with the glorious reality that my identity is also completely wrapped up in Christ's life-saving, merciful, perfectly gracious work to where I am also one who is "saved by grace." So here and now, in every day that I walk on this earth, I am a person whose identity is found in sin, but more so in salvation from that sin because of Christ.

I am Andrew, a sinner saved by grace.

Are You Restless?

This is brief meditation as I work through one of my texts for a class.

What is restlessness?
I just quickly took a glance at a dictionary definition of restless (I love the Dictionary function the Mac by the way); here's what I found--"[A person or animal] unable to rest or relax as a result of anxiety or boredom." I haven't heard too many conversations these days about cats or kangaroos being restless, so I will refrain from delving into this issue with animals. However, with these "tough economic times" restlessness is an everyday reality to the teacher who might lose her job in the latest round of layoffs, or the father who has lost 50% of his 401k in the past eight months. I am accused often of restlessness because I bite my nails; I simply argue that it's just fun. However, are any of us willing to go so far as to say that restlessness is actually sinful?

What is sin?
Before entering into thoughts of restlessness, it would be important first to define sinfulness seeing as how the idea or concept of sin is a bit muddled these days, often being played down to a weak slap on the wrist with a feather. A basic definition of sin is "placing something else, anything else, in the supreme place which is [God's]" (Erickson, 598). Sin is making anything else a god besides God.

Further thinking here requires us then to ask "What is God like?" because our definition of God is going to influence the magnitude of offense in replacing Him with something else. For example if we define God as Crest toothpaste, replacing Him with Colgate doesn't seem that bad. But if God is the God of the Bible, the God who is all-powerful, all-knowing, fully good, loving, just and holy, deserving of our praise and worship, replacing Him with our significant other or money or whatever is frighteningly horrible. Too often we are guilty of making God out to be as trivial as the former instead of recognizing the reality of the latter.

Sin can be an action, like stealing, where the object becomes greater than the God who is our Provider (Matt 6:25-34). Sin can be something we would consider part of our nature, like selfishness or greed. Jesus famously teaches that not only are adultery and murder sins, but that our lustful desires and unjustified anger are sins as well (Matt 5:21-30). Finally, I would venture to say that we all could quickly admit that we are imperfect people, never doing everything "right." If I am allowed to define rightness as always keeping God in his rightful place, then I can suggest that we are all sinners, and to this the Bible would agree (Rom 3:23).

Is restlessness sinful?
So back to the original question: Are any of us willing to admit that restlessness is sinful? Here I draw from the text in my class, which discusses various effects from sin. In it, the author writes how restlessness is one such effect:

Finally, sin often produces restlessness. There is a certain insatiable character about sin. Complete satisfaction never occurs. Although some sinners may have a relative stability for a time, sin eventually loses its ability to satisfy. Like habituation to a drug, a tolerance is built up, and it becomes easier to sin without feeling pangs of guilt. Further, it takes a greater dosage to produce the same effects. In the process, our wants keep expanding as rapidly as, or more rapidly than, we can fulfill them. It is alleged that in answer to the question, "How much money does it take to satisfy a man?" John D. Rockefeller responded, "Just a little bit more." Like a restless, tossing sea, the wicked never really come to peace. (Erickson, 635 bold added)

Are you restless?
I meditate on this because I do not think restlessness is relegated only to these "tough economic times." I saw it living in a fraternity house where the each night needed to surpass the next in how much alcohol was consumed. I went to a school where guys thought the next girl would be the "best they'd ever had." I interact with people now who think that buying a home will complete them, where getting married will solve all the problems. I see it in the classic example given above dealing with drugs, when a little fix becomes a large problem. And because "we are all sinners" I must really first look at myself and see that my restlessness is in how I will do in school, how I can support myself, how successful I will be in the church...yes, even in finding someone who I could call my wife. I am willing to admit several of I am sure many other issues in my life where I am restless and thus sin by replacing God with my little gods of success, money, and marital bliss. I guess I am wondering if you are willing to do the same.

Rest for the restless heart
It would suck if I just ended there, instead of asking "Where do we go from here?" The author of my text in this section only describes the effects of sin, but does not share what the solution is. I propose that even if I got straight A's in school (which I would be a miracle), I would want all the money; if I had all the money I wanted to take mad crazy people out for good food and drink I would want the big church; if I planted the big church with lots of people who love Jesus; I would want the amazing wife. Something would always be nagging at me. I would remain restless.

The only answer I know of to restlessness is rest and the Bible gives the only solution that I personally know of--Jesus--Who leads us into our complete rest in God now and forever. Jesus said,

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matt. 11:28-29)

In our labor He calls us to Himself for rest. In our burdens He beckons us to Himself for rest. As Moses led the people of Israel through the wilderness to the Promised Land, Jesus leads us through the depth of our sin by His death on the Cross in order that we might find rest in God, the ultimate, final, eternal Promised Land (Hebrews 3:7-4:13).

Augustine sums this up well in his Confessions as he reflects back on a life filled with restless pursuits, including a strong desire to hook up with women, writing poignantly over 1600 years ago:

Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee.

In His Rest.

God's Gracious Healing

"I have seen his ways, but I will heal him." -Isaiah 57:18

Much like in the days of Isaiah as he preached judgment against Israel and Judah who continually turned against the Lord, we live in a nation whose heart is far from Him. To say we are a Christian nation is tomfoolery if you ask me. We are dependent on the latest trends and fashions, find our comfort in countless hours of television and movies, spend money we do not have, seek happiness in the wrong places, try to find satisfaction in "casual" sexual relationships, think joy comes in drunkenness and drugs, and are somehow convinced that possessions provide meaning. Bottom line is we are a horrifically idolatrous people. God has seen our ways.

But He will heal us.

How powerful and beautiful this grace that God gives! He knows my disgusting, perverted ways, yet He has healed me through Christ. This is the matchless love of God! Could it be that all the healings Christ performed while walking on this fallen earth embody just this? The healings point not just to a restoration of blindness, deafness, or sickness--mere physical and superficial things--but to a complete restoration in relationship to God through what Jesus Christ accomplished in His life, death, burial, and resurrection. This eternal healing in Christ points to a time when God "will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore" (Revelation 21:4).

God knows my ways. He knows your ways. He knows our nation's ways. But He will heal us by His grace freely given through His Son. May we all repent and draw near to God, Our Healer.

By His Grace.

Skeptic? Critical? Envious? See How He Loves Us!

Jesus wept. So the Jews said, "See how he loved him!" But some of them said, "Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?"
-The Gospel of John, Chapter 11

Envy. I would be exactly like those who spoke against Jesus. God has taught me a lot about envy these past few days as I grow to understand it more from the perspective of "sorrow at another man's success." I could be envious of some guy in the marketplace who is doing extremely well for himself according to this world's standards, making more money than I could ever know what to do with in my lifetime. Envy is not sorry over his soul; it's over his possessions. Anytime I walk in a big city like Chicago I am quickly tempted to be envious of the people who valet park their cars at the gigantic Marriot. I watch the valet drive away in their Mercedes as bell hops rush to get their Gucci bags for them so they can be waiting upstairs at their suites. I could be envious of the former CEO of Merril Lynch who used to be helicoptered over to a golf course after work in order to get 18 holes in before the day ended. I am tempted and sometimes fall for that temptation by putting them down, not angry at their sin or their indulgence, but angry because they have what my flesh wants. I could be envious of the guy who is better looking, more athletic, smarter than me, in a happy relationship, but none of these compare to being envious of someone alongside me in the Christian walk.

There were Jews who had come with Mary to the tomb of her brother, Lazarus. As best as I can understand, they must have somehow been connected with the family and wanted to pay condolences. They also seemed to be intrigued by the person of Jesus as they had heard that just days before he had healed the blindness of a man. Jesus was deeply moved by mary and the Jews' response to Lazarus' death and he asked where they had laid him. She took him over to the tomb and Jesus' immediate, initial reaction is to weep. To weep. Jesus. Wept. He wept. This does not connote tears just welling up in his eyes, or one tiny droplet running down his cheek. Could you imagine losing one of your closest friends? How would you react at his or her funeral? I know some try to hold their emotions in at a funeral, not wanting to be perceived as weak, but that wasn't Jesus' take. This breaks all the stereotypes of the stone-faced Jesus who knew no emotion. This was his care. His compassion. His love. Weeping does not equal weakness and he would soon show how strong he really was.

The Jews saw this. Most of them. Most responded by witnessing the love of Christ being poured out through His flood of tears over Lazarus' death. These Jews rightly commented on Jesus' reaction saying, "See how he loved him!" But there were some who reacted another way. Others said, "How is it that this Jesus could heal a blind man, but couldn't even prevent his close friend from dying? Who does he think he is?" Some might say these other Jews were skeptical, much like the critics today, who challenge God, saying "God, if you are truly real, reveal yourself to me. Show up at my door. Just for a second. If you are real and you want me to know you, that's all I need. Then I will believe. If not, you're not much of a God and I don't want to believe in you anyway."

Although this might be part of the truth, I think there might be more to it. I think these folk were envious of him, knowing the stories being told, knowing there was something mysterious about him. They were there, seeking him only weeping and their response wasn't continual sorrow alongside him over the loss of Lazarus; instead it was a critical attitude toward Jesus, saying if he had healed the blind man, why couldn't he prevent this? What kind of healer are you, Jesus?

Their response was in part a critique from envy toward Jesus, who many were calling "The Prophet" and even "The Messiah!" But who does he think he is? He can't even prevent this man's death! This is a bitterness that is pinned up against the beautiful, caring, loving, powerful, mighty Jesus Christ. The envy holds strong enough to the poin that even after he conquers Lazarus' death by raising him to life--an action that should silence any skeptic or critic--these Jews go and report it to the Pharisees who, from that day, "made plans to put him to death." These people who claimed to be religious were steeped deep in envy and were unable to enjoy God and his might works.

Here is the danger for Christians who are envious of other Christians. Our Triune God is restoring his Kingdom right now. That is beyond questioning. This same God is also choosing to do so as he sees fit with whom he chooses when he chooses where he chooses and how he chooses. His plan and actions are greater than ours and his lowliest work is infinitely greater than 10,000 valiant human acts. As a result different parts of the body function in different capacities and serve a wide-range of purposes. All the parts of the body are working together for the glory of God and his Kingdom. But envy takes our eyes off Christ and off this purpose, instead fixing them on the other parts of the body as a hand now wants to be a foot. Rather than rejoicing in how God is using his feet, the hand criticizes it and think it deserves to take the foot's place or receive as much recognition or responsibility as the foot. The hand forgets its job, its responsibility, and stops serving the body or it tries to do more than God has given it to do, overworking itself, the body, and making things disjointed all together.

Sadly this happens in so many ways--in the Church and in my life. I am too often envious of the more theologically sound Christian, the Christian who has written books, the Christian who is a great preacher, the Christian who sees thousands come to Christ, the Christian who is a missionary in a "glorified" location, the Christian who pastors a large church. And instead of immediately rejoicing in what God is doing, I jump right into critical thoughts filled with envy and questions of, "Why not me?" and "When is it going to be my turn?" I am sorrow-filled at another Christian's so-called success. This is a worldly sorrow, which only produces death.

So I pray for the skeptic non-Christians, who continually present challenges to God as if he owes it to them to reveal himself in a greater way than through the love of Christ that has already been put on display through his death on the Cross and his own beautiful resurrection. But I also pray for Christians and myself, that we can be like those Jews who saw the true love of Christ toward his friend, able to see in the lives of Christians all around me and the world how the Holy Spirit truly is working in their hearts, through their lives, for the Kingdom and for God's glory.

By His Grace.

The Sin of Sloth

Here is another convicting and frightening quote from Guinness' book The Call. This quote is from Václav Havel, the famous president of Czechoslovakia and first president of the free Czech Republic. Before rising to power and fame, Havel was imprisoned for his outspoken dissidence again Soviet totalitarianism. He wrote what are known as the Letters to Olga, which "has joined Dietrich Bonhoeffer's World War II Letters and Papers from Prison and Boethius's sixth-century Consolation of Philosophy as the three classic prison letters of the West.

For the quote to make any sense, I must use Guinness definition of sloth, which is, "a condition of explicitly spiritual dejection that has given up on the pursuit of God, the true, the good, and the beautiful. Sloth is inner despair at the worthwhileness of the worthwhile that finally slumps into an attitude of ‘Who cares?’”

In his Letters, Havel commented on how modern man has grown cynical, having "lost faith in everything." As he continues with this thought, here is what Havel writes with what I consider an ominously prophetic voice:

The temptation of Nothingness is enormous and omnipresent, and it has more and more to rest its case on, more to appeal to. Against it, man stands alone, weak and poorly armed, his position worse than ever before in history. The tragedy of modern man is not that he knows less and less about the meaning of his own life, but that it bothers him less and less…